The Bay Way (News Post)

It’s no secret among filmmakers that, as successful and hugely popular as the man is, even the mention of the name Michael Bay draws a cautious wince. True, he gave us some of our best action films (The Rock, Bad Boys franchise, Transformers, all of Meatloaf’s good videos), but Mr. Bay has taken the cliché of gunfights, car chases, huge explosions and pretty women and somehow managed to make them boring by the end of his films.

Yawn.

Let’s not even talk about the franchise reboots Mr. Bay has helmed as producer. It takes a lot of work to take already dead horror series like Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13^th and kill them even further. Mr. Bay has managed to perform this feat several times. Given this track record, it seems unlikely that he can be trusted any further with beloved (albeit stagnant) franchises of yesteryear.

Oh, wait. Profit. No it doesn’t.

Reaganomics!

“At the annual Nickelodeon upfront presentation last week, über-producer Michael Bay revealed details for Platinum Dunes’ upcoming live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, including a new origin story for the half-shell heroes that is sure to raise the ire of diehard fans.”

This can’t end well. Franchise reboots are risky enough without Michael Bay (see Hulk), but nobody celebrates when a man as volatile as Michael Bay throws around words like “new origin story”. The only response that can come from it is “What the heck was wrong with the original origin story?”

For those who lived deprived childhoods and aren’t in the know, the Ninja Turtles used to be regular turtles with no discernible martial arts training who lived in the sewers below Manhattan, presumably abandoned pets. In the sewer, they got mixed up with some radioactive ooze and became teenaged mutant turtles. Also, there was a rat once owned by a Japanese martial arts master. I guess he learned ninja skills before he also ended up in the Manhattan sewers and also ran into some ooze. After oozing up, this rat saw fit to train the turtles in the martial arts. Then they were teenage mutant ninja turtles.

Got all that?

That’s a pretty lousy origin story, but it works. It’s what we grew up with, it’s what we know, and dammit it’s what we love. Leave it to Michael Bay to screw that up for us. According to him, the Turtles reboot will see the turtles not as mutated sewer dwellers, but as an alien species. As in space aliens. From space.

It makes me wonder at what point in the already ridiculous history of the Ninja Turtles did Michael Bay say to himself “sewer mutants just won’t work, so let’s do aliens. That’s never been done in movies, right?”

Sigh.

http://popwatch.ew.com/2012/03/19/michael-bay-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-aliens/

http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/michael-bay-changes-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-origins-for-new-movie-.html

Product or Service Review

                As a student filmmaker, a special concern for any project is the ability to put my work out into the public eye. Formerly, this meant aggravating work tracking down film festival details such as deadlines, film requirements, submission procedures and the legalese that no one wants to mess with.

Today we have the awesome online service, withoutabox.

                Withoutabox compiles all the latest news on film festivals around the world and, for more than nine hundred festivals, allows film submissions digitally from the site.

Withoutabox is a free subscription service (entry fees for certain festivals notwithstanding), making it a valuable resource for the filmmaker on a budget. As well as allowing greater access to a variety of festivals, they also send frequent emails about new or upcoming festivals allowing the filmmaker to stay on the cutting edge of the festival circuit. Withoutabox also boasts a special partnership with the International Movie Database (IMDB) that allows for the creation and promotion of IMDB pages through withoutabox, a huge boon for the filmmaker without their own promotion crew.)

There’s really not much more to say about this wonderful service. Those of you not involved in the film industry may not feel that withoutabox is a big deal, but for those in the know, this is an invaluable resource.

For Great Justice

“How are you gentlemen. All your base are belong to us” is a quote found in the english translation of the 1989 Japanese video game “Zero Wing” and is one of he modern internet’s first widely spread internet memes.
The game’s introduction contains one of the best knows examples of poorly translated Japanese language, commonly know as “Engrish”. Engrish is found on signs and notices throughout the east and have become known for its bad spelling, worse grammar, and hilariously unintentional double entendres.

In early 1998 an animated GIF of the introductory scene was posted to the Rage Games website. The clip was soon reposted the the Zany Video Game Quotes website, where it began to gain traction. In the year 2000, Overclock.org began the Zero Wing Dub Project which added home-roled voice acting and sound effects to the original video. This would become one of the internets first response videos.

Three months later, AYBABTU would infect the SomethingAwful forums, a then popular destination for viewers with exceptional Photoshop skills and plenty of time on their hands. A forum thread dealing with AYBABTU exploded with over 2000 image contributions. On November 14th, 2000, a electonic band by the name of The Laziest Men on Mars released a track entitled “Invasion of the Gabba Robots” which sampled some of the original music from Zero Wing and a synthesized voice chanting “All your base are belong to us”.

The song was used in a GIF animation that showcased the introductory sequence of the video game, the new techno track, and a selection of the best photoshopped images of the popular phrase. This would become the definitive version of the “All Your Base” video that would be passed on from then on.

In the Spring of 2001, All Your Base would be picked up and reported by several mainstream news sources, becoming one of the first true internet memes to be given coverage outside of the internet from whence it was born and crossing into popular culture. From there, the meme quickl spread around the real world.

Recent trend-surveys indicate that searches for the All Your Base meme is at an all time low since its inception, showing that even the best of memes can outlive their welcome or usefulness, but for those early internet adopters with a penchant for Engrish, 8-bit retro graphics and a funky techno beat, there will always be a soft spot in our hearts for the wonderfulness that once was “All Your Base Are Belong To Us”.

Top Ten Viral Videos (in Richard’s Opinion)

What makes a viral video? While there’s no how-to guide for internet fame, there is one important recurring sentiment: the video is worth sharing. Presented for your pleasure are my picks for TOP TEN VIRAL VIDEOS!

10. MORTAL KOMBAT THEME

Now this is what it’s all about. A couple of kids having some good clean fun on circa ’05 youtube. Without these lovable morons to inspire a generation on attention-seeking internet idiots, youtube may not be the powerhouse it is today. Truly a classic.

9. JENNIFER IS A PARTY POOPER

Flula’s questionable grasp of English colloquialisms makes for instant comedy.

8. CHARLIE THE UNICORN

Silly though it may be, it’s hard not to appreciate the effort put forth by FilmCow to bring us this tale of unicorns and betrayal.

7. CHOCOLATE RAIN

A cheesy little ditty with enough guts to venture into themes of modern racism present in our society, enough heart to laugh at itself, and enough sense to move away from the microphone to breathe.

6. GRAPE LADY

Probably the most heartless of my selections. Had I known when I first saw this that the reporter was injured quite severely (at least a few broken ribs) I would’ve probably not enjoyed it as much. But, in my assumption that she was overacting and the video’s already virulent nature, I laughed with the rest of the world.

5. OK GO – HERE IT GOES AGAIN

Not to sound jaded, but this video restored a little bit of my faith in the music video industry. Before, you had two sorts of videos: pop videos with complex dance choreography and enough frenetic editing to negate the choreography, or slow, introspective weepy videos of sad teenagers leaning on things. OK Go broke the mold with some treadmills and an unimpressive backdrop with a static camera angle AND WON A FRIGGIN GRAMMY FOR BEST VIDEO. The song’s catchy, too.

4. Tunak Tunak Tun

Challenged to create a video that would become popular without including hot chicks to look at, Daler Mendhi dances with himself in probably the most awesome way to dance with yourself without getting booked on an obscenity charge.

3. Chinese Backstreet Boys – That Way

Another from the two-guys-on-youtube-oh-five vault, two friends lip-sync to a popular boy band hit while another roommate appears to be oblivious to the situation. The sort of fun that can only be found online.

2. CANON ROCK

Another early youtube favorite, this one spread like crazy with the young player’s supreme show of rock godliness.

1. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US

Pre-dating youtube by at least half a decade and remaining well known to the present day, this is the grand-daddy of viral videos.

With the big game comes big pressures. The audience is massive, and viewers scrutinize every move and are quick to praise or, more likely, criticize. This is true for the athletes as well as the advertisers.

How did advertisers handle the challenge? This year, continuing a brand-friendly trend, they played it safe with several using proven concepts and techniques, and spending significant time and testing.

Not surprisingly, the quality of the Super Bowl 46 advertising was generally high with little to offend the masses. A majority of criticism lies with what appears to be a lack of creativity or groundbreaking material, but ultimately most advertising accomplished what was important.

Here follows, in no particular order, some of the better Super Bowl ads for 2012, and some of the worst.

THE BEST

While dominating the list, it’s hard to call this one a legitimate Super Bowl ad, as both a teaser and the full length commercial were released on the web before its gametime broadcast. I’ll let it slide as that may have been part of the marketing anyway.

The commercial ties our emotional connection with a classic film to a Honda vehicle. The commercial avoid wrapping itself up too much in a Ferris Bueller remake and leaves room for the CRV to enjoy some limelight. We’re left with a happy feeling all over, except the strange emptiness when we wonder what happened to Cameron and Sloane.

It is a bit of a surprise to see Skechers in the top group of advertisers on the Super Bowl. This brand is a regular on the game, but often near the bottom of the list.

The spot clearly communicated a benefit: speed. And it did so in a playful manner, with a tone that fit the Super Bowl environment.

Dannon’s spot avoided going over-the-top and stuck to a simple story line. A couple enjoys a tasty cup of Oikos yogurt. The lady wallops the guy to defend her share: the yogurt is just that good.

Let’s give Dannon credit for strong branding, fresh execution, and reminding America that John Stamos will still be best remembered as Uncle Jesse.

Chrysler was once again one of the biggest surprises. First, the ad ran during halftime, which is unusual since most national ads run during the game itself. The timing, of course, was critical to the overall message. Second, Chrysler didn’t release any information in advance, a sharp departure from most advertisers. It was an eagerly anticipated spot in the advertising world. Third, the ad delivered an unexpected message: it’s halftime in America and we’re going to rebound through hard work and determination.

Clearly a fan favorite, why is this commercial not topping the list? Two things:

1. It’s a bit awkward to explain how the American worker is bringing this country around. Chrysler would be sunk if it weren’t for government intervention and they know it.

2. Possibly to make up for the first point, it isn’t that much of a commercial for Chrysler except for the last few seconds.

THE WORST

Remember when I said this year’s commercials lacked big ideas? Well, godaddy lacks any kind of ideas. What worked last year? Boobs. What worked for the last ten years? Boobs.

Don’t get me wrong, we gentlemen love our boobs. But in the internet wonderland we all inhabit it isn’t hard to find good boobs. The dream sequence above prompts us to leave our couches, not to log onto godaddy.com, but to find better boobs elsewhere.

All that comes to mind watching this ad is a failed attempt at humor. Imagine a cable technician. His job is to bring you quality entertainment, but he spends his afternoons spouting Borat quotes because he’s still convinced they are funny. It isn’t and we hate him.

That is what Hulu gives us here. Hard working geeks should be hooking us up with premium programming, but instead they sit around and spout unfunny quotes.

Car driving around a track. Nothing we haven’t seen in a thousand other car commercials, but the voice artist keeps talking about this green hell track like we’re supposed to have heard about it before or something.

Why are they spending so much time talking about this track and not the car? …Oh, for a go-to-hell joke. Classy.

And the bottom of the barrel. In case you don’t want to watch the commercial I’ll break it down for you:

Here’s a picture of a car. Here’s something that’s sort of funny. And something else that’s sort of funny. And something else that’s sort of funny. And something else that’s sort of funny. And something else that’s sort of funny. And something else that’s sort of funny. And something else that’s sort of funny. And something else that’s sort of funny. And something else that’s sort of funny. And our car again.

This is the commercial equivalent of the ass-munchingly terrible spoof movies Hollywood can’t seem to get enough of. No jokes, no story, no sense, just throw some crap in there that someone might think is slightly humorous and you have comedy.

Well at least they’re promoting the car, right? No. They tell us the Camry was reinvented, then the debacle steamrolls onward as if the car itself is too ashamed to appear in its own commercial. Just terrible.

Tutorial: How to Properly Uncork a Bottle with a Waiter’s Corkscrew

There is no denying the fact that crafting fine wines is an art in and of itself. That art deserves to be enjoyed and appreciated by all those willing. Appropriate will, however, cannot hide the fact that you know nothing about properly serving a bottle of wine, let alone getting one open without soaking yourself and your surroundings in shade-of-fermented-grape.

In this tutorial, you will be instructed in the proper use of the Waiter’s Corkscrew, also known as a Waiter’s Key,  for the purpose of uncorking just about any cork-stopped bottle, be it wine, champagne, or a fine bubbly juice beverage. Off the record, I would list this skill among the top ten things any man should know how to do, especially when attempting to impress a particular lady friend.

Just about all Waiter’s Corkscrews have the same basic components:

1. A knife-edge, usually serrated

2. A worm, or the part one normally associates with corkscrews

3. A series of notched levers, your standard screw will have two notches.

 

All parts are hinged to allow the corkscrew to be collapsed and stored easily.

Now that you are familiar with the essential components, it is time to uncork a standard bottle.

STEP 1: Remove the Foil

Chances are, your bottle has a foil,or sometimes, plastic seal to help preserve the cork itself from damage or contaminants. This is where the knife-edge comes into play.

Place the knife-edge below the lip of the spout and, using your thumb to add pressure, run the blade around the circumference of the seal to cut a complete ring around the foil. Once cut, the blade may be used to peel or pry the foil from the bottle. Having served its purpose, the foil may be discarded.

STEP 2: Inserting the Worm

Once the foil is removed and the cork is revealed, it’s time to properly drive the worm into the cork. Collapse the knife-edge and open up the rest of the corkscrew. The notched levers will typically open all the way while the worm will only open perpendicularly to the handle, creating a T-shaped device (as seen in the parts diagram).

It is important to keep in mind before jamming your worm in any old cork that the tip of the worm is not necessarily the center of the device. One should pay close attention to insure that the entirety of the worm is inserted into the center of the cork rather than the tip of the worm, usually by offsetting the tip slightly.

Once proper worm placement is found, proceed to drive the entire worm into the cork.

STEP 3: Removing the Cork

At this point, your worm should be firmly driven into the cork. The uneducated among us would assume that the next step involves seating the bottle firmly between our thighs and yanking up on the corkscrew to pull the cork out the hard way like a sort of zoo animal. This can be done, but the Waiter’s Corkscrew has a dignity-saving feature that, while lacking showmanship, adds class to any social gathering.

With the worm seated in the cork, hinge the notched levers toward the bottle, raising the notches if necessary, until the first notch is flush with the rim of the bottle. Set this notch onto the bottle.

With the notch set in place, raise the handle of the corkscrew as far as feasibly possible. Using the mechanics of leverage, the worm will lift with the handle, pulling the cork out as well. But, we aren’t quite done yet. There’s still a bit of cork left in the bottle. While it may be possible at this point to remove the rest of the cork by hand, twisting it from the bottle, a gentleman knows to use the second notch to properly remove the remaining cork.

One more pull of the handle and your cork should easily find itself free of the bottle. Congratulations, you’ve properly uncorked a bottle with ease and sophistication!

Now you’ll fit more easily into the upper classes thanks to your new skill with a common household device! Celebrate with an appropriately paired dish and laugh about your former ignorant ways, you stud you.

Blog Reboot

Starting up the blog again for another online marketing sort of class. Updates to follow.

Anti Personnel Mines are Not Funny

""Exterminator" One of the very first computer images. Re-interpreted, from a collection of sketches. It has a very collage feel owing to its many sources, and photoshop's early layering limitations." -Greg Carter

 

In this, our last day of our Personal Branding Strategies class, we are asked to critique our instructor and long-term speaker, Mr. Greg Carter of Cyberpiggy Enterprises.

Judging by the material on Mr. Carter’s website, seen here at Cyberpiggy Enterprises, it would appear that Mr. Carter was an early adopter of the digital media as it pertains to his art, with some of his digital pieces dating into the late 80’s. Since then he has worked not only on his own artworks but also as a graphic designer for such businesses as DHL, Cingular and BlackBerry. I could tell you more about his life and body of work if his website included an about section, an element he stressed that we feature on our own blogs.

GOOD: Mr. Carter’s lectures, lessons and assignments were clear, concise and easily understood by the majority, if not the entirety of the class. He also had no reservations about attempting to inject his personal brand of personality and humor into his lectures, making for a comfortable educational atmosphere.

Although a few students may have previously had some reservations about starting their own blogs and/or websites, Mr. Carter helped out along the way and got the class started on the first steps toward establishing their brands. Aside from our digital presence, we were also instructed on the various do’s and dont’s of networking ourselves.

DIFFICULT: The one difficulty that comes to mind is dealing with the random assortment of misconceptions students may have when entering a class such as this one. Some showed up wanting to learn about business cards, others about web design, and others thought that they would be starting a full fledged business. Acknowledging these mindsets, I can only assume that it’s difficult to try to relate the curriculum and how it works to the student’s advantage in the long run. But, it would also seem that things turned out fine.

Apart from that, there is also the matter of the difficulties in encouraging the students to try to establish a brand. As I stated in a previous blog, many of us have not yet reached a level of self actualization that one would seem to require to actually think about branding yourself. This could hold some students back from putting real thought into what their brand is or should be while they just try to complete an assignment.

Different: I got nothing. I’m not grading another exapmle of branding, I’m not critiquing a craft, I’m writing an evaluation on an instructor. Being that I am not certified to teach in any conventional capacity, I can’t say what I would do differently. Except for jokes about anti personnel mines. They’re not funny.

Goal Follow-up

Near the start of the quarter, we were asked to write down a list of goals, long and short-term, concerning our brand and career progression. So,

GOOD: In my goal to obtain a film/tv job, I would say I’ve made satisfactory progress over the course of the quarter. I am continuing to expand my knowledge and skill set in the classes I am taking, making more connections with assignments and projects in and out of class, and when all is said and done I’ll have more material to add to the demo reel. Life is good.

DIFFICULT: To say that everything went my way, however, would be a huge lie. For starters, I could have made exponential progress on my skill set had our cinematography professor, whose name shall not be mentioned, had actually taught us anything instead of complaining about how much this school sucks. For his part, I agree. But the less of an education I get then the less opinion I have of anyone who thinks they’re sticking up for me as well. This is turn also reduces the amount of potential demo reel material we could have produced.

DIFFERENT: All things considered, most of the good and bad aspects are out of the students’ hands. There is only so much we can do for ourselves, and when the system fails us then nobody wins. I’ll just keep being an awesome person.

Blog my Best Brand?

U.S. Army soldiers clear a house during a patrol in the Al Rashid Province of Baghdad, Iraq, on Sept. 5, 2007. The soldiers are assigned to Alpha Troop, 1st Battalion, 4th Cavalry Regiment, 4th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division. DoD photo by Pfc. Michael Hendrickson, U.S. Army. (Released)

So we’ve got this assignment, to look through our junk folders and pull out one picture that best describes our brand. The premise is flawed in that , as students, we have not yet achieved a level of self actualization necessary to make such a choice. None of us want to define ourselves by mediocre, professor-driven student work. And as for myself, I do not want the work I have done previous to school to define what my brand should be in the future.

But I digress.

The above image was captured on September 5th, 2007 in Baghdad, Iraq. The unit pictured spent the better part of a week clearing a section town during the then famous Troop Surge in an effort to make the Doura Market area of Baghdad safer for the citizens who have chosen not to abandon their homes. The home pictured above was an abandoned construction project that showed signs of squatter habitation, usually an indicator of insurgent activity.

One could argue that the picture is a stand-alone piece of work as well as a small part of a larger assignment as several hundred pictures were taken over the course of the operation.

Why I have chosen this example as one of the best examples of my brand, despite my objections above, is that it is an example of being on the lookout for a creative angle while assigned to some serious work. In the field of military combat photography, fundamentals are stressed to the point that creativity is almost frowned upon by those who have requested the image.  More important than a well composed and lit image is the need to gather information useful to battlefield commanders. They need facts, not art.

As Combat Camera, we take it upon ourselves to train hard and do the job we need to do well enough that we also have opportunities to stop for a few seconds to see another level of the work going on. To capture awesome sights and amazing shots that otherwise would be lost forever. I saw this opportunity as the Soldiers were making their way down the stairs.

I rationalize that this represents my brand in the sense of doing more than what is necessary to make yourself stand out as well as get the job done. I could have just stuck to the assignment and taken what really amounts to crime-scene photography, but that would be boring. This way I’ve satisfied my superiors as well as my peers and made it easier to tag along with the unit on future assignments.